Happy birthday kason {one year}

Today my sweet baby boy is one. 

 A year ago today I was sitting in a hospital room, anxious with anticipation like I had never felt before.  In a matter of hours I would meet my son.  I would meet the tiny baby that had been moving around inside of me for 9 months.  My memory is not great anymore, and although I often can't remember where I put my keys, I remember that day like it was yesterday.  I remember being nervous sand excited, but most of all happy.  There was so much that was unknown, but the one thing I knew is that on March 16, 2011, I would meet my baby.  At 4:54, we welcomed our sweet, sweet boy into the world.  That moment forever changed my life.  I became a mom.  I became Kason's mom.  A title that I have come to love above all other titles.  

Although I feel like this year has flown by, it's also hard to remember Kason not being a part of our family. Over the past year I have been lucky enough to watch my sweet boy grow.  I have tried to savor every moment of the last 365 days.  I have loved every stage that he's gone through.  I loved rocking and nursing my sweet newborn.  I loved seeing Kason's eyes light up and grin from ear to ear for the first time.  I loved laying on the playmat and watching him absorb the world around him.  I loved watching him learn to sit up.  I loved watching him try solids for the first time.  I loved watching him work so hard to crawl only to turn around 2 months later and walk.  But most of all, I have loved watching his personality emerge.  

Although I sit here crying tears of disbelief that my baby is one, I also cry tears of joy for the little boy he is becoming.  He is SO curious and SO dramatic.  He is one of the happiest one years olds I've ever been around and I love watching him find joy in the smallest things.  He enjoys the simple things in life, which is something I hope he holds on to as he grows.  I don't want time to go any faster than it already is, but I can't wait to continue to watch my little boy grow.

I am so thankful to God for entrusting me to care for this sweet, beautiful baby boy.  He has blessed Duane and I more than words can express.

Here's my boy over the past 12 months!

Dear Kason {1 year}

Dear Kason,

      I just laid you down in your crib for the last time as a "baby".  Tomorrow you will wake up and be a one year old.  This is so hard for your mama to believe.  The past year has been by far the best year I have experienced.  From the moment the nurses laid you in my arms, I was head over heals in love.  That love has continued to grow and grow over the past year.  Since the day I became your mama I promised God I would love you as he loves me.  This is an unconditional love, that is hard for me to explain.

    You have brought your daddy and I SO much joy over the past year.  We have been enthralled in watching you grow and change and emerge into a little boy full of personality.  You have a smile that will always melt my heart.  You have a laugh that makes me laugh on the hardest of days.  Your curiosity and joy in the small things makes me long to keep you small forever.  Everyday you learn something new and you are always so proud of yourself.  I hope you keep this self esteem as you grow older.  I can already tell that you are going to be a happy-go-lucky little guy (like your daddy) with a temper (like your mama).  I love that about you as I do everything about you.

      So, even though tomorrow you will be one, I want you to know that no matter how old you get you will always be my baby.  You will always be my first born that came into my life and taught me to love like I've never loved before.  You will always be the little boy that makes my heart explode with joy every time I'm around you.  I am so glad that you came into our lives a year ago.  We are so very blessed to call you our own.

Happy *almost* first birthday Kason Asher.  I love you more than words can describe.

Love,
Your Mama

Lately

I am so behind in blogging.  I'm at the point now that I don't even think I can catch up.  Maybe over spring break during nap times I can FINALLY blog about Kason's first Christmas..HA!  

For now..I just wanted to share a couple things that we've been up to lately...

We have been loving this warm weather!  We've been able to take some walks with Kaia and also spend some time at the park.  My *almost* 1 year old l-o-v-e-s to be outside.  He cried the minute we come back inside.  I can tell we are going to be spending most of our spring/summer months outside.  Which is fine with this mama!  

With the warm weather, we've been able to meet some of Kason's friends at the park a few times.  We also took a trip to the children's museum.  It's so much fun having friends that have boys the same age as my own baby.  These next few years are going to be fun with all these boys running around!

Can't wait for more park trips, zoo trips, and pool trips this summer!

That's all for now..maybe someday I'll get an entire, well written post up.  Until then...short and sweet is my style! :)

Random Saturday

I had the best intentions to type a whole blog post up tonight.  But after a day of swim lessons, the Children's Museum, Dinner and the Purdue game, and photo editing...I am exhausted!  So at the risk of sounding highly uneducated if I try to crank out a long, picture filled post, I think I'll just let the randomness flow tonight.

1. I can't figure out what to think about leggings.  I know I L-O-V-E them because they're comfortable..but I still have some questions.  They aren't technically "pants" so can you wear them as pants?  Are my legs too chubby for them?  Should my bum be covered up with my shirt when I wear them?  I just don't know.  All I know is that all of my jeans are tight so leggings are my first choice at the moment.  I'm sure by the time I figure them out, they'll be out of style.

2. To go along with #1, I'm really struggling to decide whether to let go of the fact that my size 0 jeans just aren't getting along with my post-baby body.  Do I try to find time to work out and lose weight or do I just realize that a size 2 is not the end of the world?  Ugh, decisions.

3. My child will turn 1 in a few weeks.  I will have a 1 year old. When and how did this happen?

4. I have a lot of big decisions to make in the next few months.  Considering I can't even make a decision between Arby's or Chick-Fil-A, this is stressing me out big time.  Any prayers are appreciated! :)

5. I'm quite certain that planning a first birthday party is stressing me out as much as planning my wedding did.  This could have something to do with the fact that I literally have nothing done.  When do I have time to accomplish this?!  I see a lot of late nights in my future!

6. I haven't watched the slideshow of the photos of Kason's birth in quite some time.  I plan to watch it the night before his first birthday and cry my eyes out.  I am so, so, so thankful for those photos.

7. My photography business is really starting to pick up!  It's so encouraging and I get so excited for every shoot.  I used to dread editing but now that I'm slowly figuring out Photoshop, I love it!  Now I'm ready for some warm weather and gorgeous summer lighting.  Bring it on!

8. I've never been a fan of snow but I want a snow storm in the worst way.  I want a day (not 4 like last year) where I can stay home all day and snuggle with Kason.  Spring break is only a month away, but I need a break before then!  I'm thinking there won't be any snow days this winter though!

9. I haven't been to see a movie in theatre since I was pregnant.  How sad is that?  Part of it is of course, Kason, but the other part is that I just don't love spending $20 to see a movie.  I really do want to see the Vow, so I might try to get to the theatre to see it.  I also never saw The Help or Water for Elephants..I need to get those on redbox.  Only problem?  I fall asleep watching movies at home.  Every. Time.

10. It's official, I'm drinking coke again.  I haven't had it in about 3 years (ever since I had a kidney stone) and I've fallen off the wagon.  I've been so tired recently, that I swing by McDonalds on my way to school.  I'm so much more awake and happy if I get a little caffeine in my system.  I know it's not healthy, but without it, I might lose my job.  Teaching requires a lot of patience which for me, means caffeine! :)

11. I WILL blog about the super bowl, playdates, and Christmas eventually.  They are all posts in the making, I just don't have time to finish them.  Someday.  

That's all I got tonight.  Pretty boring huh?  I'm going to head to bed at 9:45 on a Saturday night.  When did I become so old???

27

Today I want to wish my husband a happy 27th birthday.  Words can't express how thankful I am to have him in my life.  He is a patient and caring husband and father.  This past year has been full of new and exciting experiences and I'm glad he's been by my side through it all.

I'm feeling quite miserable today, so I was happy when Duane came home and said he'd settle for Chili's for dinner because he knew how crummy I was feeling.  I told you, best husband!

Happy birthday Duane!  Kason and love you very much! :)

The right decision?

I'm linking up with Kelly's Korner's SUYL Fridays.  Todays topic is working moms.  This ones right up my alley! :)

It's no secret that I question daily whether deciding to go back to work after Kason was the right decision.  Some days I still cry when I leave my baby sound asleep in his crib and know that I won't see him for 8 hours.  It's hard.  And it's not getting easier.  I'm not sure it ever will so I will continue to teach this year and then rethink my decision next year.  There are a few things that have made teaching hard this year:

1. Guilt - The guilt I feel from working full time is unbelievable.  I look at moms that stay home and am so envious of them.  I'm jealous of the extra time they get to spend with their children.  However, the real guilt comes when I think about doing things without Kason outside of school.  Date nights are hard because I feel so guilty leaving Kason after being away from him all day.  We would also like to join a small group at church but that would be another 2 hours I'd be away from Kason every week.  I don't know if this guilt is normal, but it's so hard to handle.  I know that date nights and small groups are SO important for my marriage but can't seem to make them a priority when I am constantly away from my baby.

2. Exhaustion - Whew!  I thought I was tired when I was 8 months pregnant and teaching last year!  Wrong!  That exhaustion holds nothing to the exhaustion that I've felt lately.  Getting up at 5 am and leaving the house at 6 is hard work.  Add in a 45 minute drive, teaching/parenting 25 6th graders for 8 hours, and a 45 minute drive home and I'm ready for bed the second I walk in the door.  I've lost my patience and my energy for the day.  I love my son and am always so excited to get home to see him but feel like I never have enough energy to give him the mom he needs.  I teach at an inner city school.  I'm not going to say that my students' parents don't care, they are just really busy.  Therefore I spend a large chunk of my day parenting 25 pre-teens and therefore I have no energy to parent my own child when I get home. This is probably the hardest thing about teaching and being a mom.  Yeah, the schedule is awesome, but the amount of energy I use up everyday is crazy.

I am by no means trying to throw a pity party for myself.  There are SO many people that are desperate to find a job.  I have a great job and am lucky to teach where I do.  I love and care for my students very much and do enjoy my time with them (most days).  I guess I am just having a hard time finding a balance.  I feel like If I give more of myself at school, I'm a bad mom.  If I give more of myself at home, I'm a bad teacher.

 The silver-lining in all of this is that I have an amazing husband that is so helpful and sensitive to the fact that I'm having a hard time being a working mom.  Without him, I would be a real mess!  I'm hoping that these feelings are normal and will get better with time.  In the meantime, I will just keep praying for God's direction for what I should do next year.

Thanks for listening.  I'd love to hear your thoughts and advice! :)

10 Months!

We'll just pretend like Kason didn't turn 10 months 2.5 weeks ago.  I have been dreading trying to get his picture.  It's quite the impossible task.  So I put if off and then realized that he is now closer to 11 months than 10 months.  Oh well, we'll just pretend like he turned 10 months yesterday! :)

Not sure of his stats but I know he weighed 17 lb. 10 oz. at the doctor last week.  He's still in size 3 diapers and wearing mostly 6-9 months clothes, some still 3-6 month.  Still my little guy, but that's ok with me! 

Here's what Kason is up to at 10-ish months:

...Walking!  Yep, we have a full time walker on our hands!  He's been walking pretty much full time for the past couple of weeks.  He just learned how to stand up in the middle of the floor (without holding on to anything) so he is on the move!  This little boy is getting quick!  I can't turn my back for a minute without him walking to the other side of the house.

...Talking!  We don't understand much, but he babbles all the time!  He does say da-da ove and over again, but we don't think he associates it with Duane.  He does say "Aia" for Kaia, and does associate the two.  No mama yet.  Every time I say Ma-ma-ma-ma, he follows with da-da-da-da!  I guess I'll keep working!

...Eating!  We have introduced a few finger foods and he LOVES them!  He actually prefers them over baby food.  With how busy our schedule has been, I haven't been able to keep up with making all of his food.  He's not a fan of much store bought baby food, but loves finger foods.  He's still taking 3 formula bottles a day.  He doesn't do so well with a sippy cup, so we'll continue to work on that!

...Being stubborn!  Shoo, this boy is just like his mama!  If I take something away from him, it's on.  A full on throw-yourself-on-the-ground scream session follows.  I was under the impression temper tantrums started when these little guys (or girls) were two.  Wrong!  Along with getting things taken away, Kason has decided to protest the changing table all together.  The second I lay him on it he arches his back, clenches his fists, and screams.  It is quite the aerobic workout!  Usually if I give him a book or sing to him, he calms down.  I think the toddler ears will be very interesting.  I know my mom is thinking.."sweet payback!"

We just love this little boy to pieces.  I can't believe that he will be 1 in a little over a month.  I have a feeling March is going to be a very emotional month!



{Please excuse the wrinkled backdrop, it is IMPOSSIBLE to get this kids' picture...it was quite the production!}