Random Saturday

I had the best intentions to type a whole blog post up tonight.  But after a day of swim lessons, the Children's Museum, Dinner and the Purdue game, and photo editing...I am exhausted!  So at the risk of sounding highly uneducated if I try to crank out a long, picture filled post, I think I'll just let the randomness flow tonight.

1. I can't figure out what to think about leggings.  I know I L-O-V-E them because they're comfortable..but I still have some questions.  They aren't technically "pants" so can you wear them as pants?  Are my legs too chubby for them?  Should my bum be covered up with my shirt when I wear them?  I just don't know.  All I know is that all of my jeans are tight so leggings are my first choice at the moment.  I'm sure by the time I figure them out, they'll be out of style.

2. To go along with #1, I'm really struggling to decide whether to let go of the fact that my size 0 jeans just aren't getting along with my post-baby body.  Do I try to find time to work out and lose weight or do I just realize that a size 2 is not the end of the world?  Ugh, decisions.

3. My child will turn 1 in a few weeks.  I will have a 1 year old. When and how did this happen?

4. I have a lot of big decisions to make in the next few months.  Considering I can't even make a decision between Arby's or Chick-Fil-A, this is stressing me out big time.  Any prayers are appreciated! :)

5. I'm quite certain that planning a first birthday party is stressing me out as much as planning my wedding did.  This could have something to do with the fact that I literally have nothing done.  When do I have time to accomplish this?!  I see a lot of late nights in my future!

6. I haven't watched the slideshow of the photos of Kason's birth in quite some time.  I plan to watch it the night before his first birthday and cry my eyes out.  I am so, so, so thankful for those photos.

7. My photography business is really starting to pick up!  It's so encouraging and I get so excited for every shoot.  I used to dread editing but now that I'm slowly figuring out Photoshop, I love it!  Now I'm ready for some warm weather and gorgeous summer lighting.  Bring it on!

8. I've never been a fan of snow but I want a snow storm in the worst way.  I want a day (not 4 like last year) where I can stay home all day and snuggle with Kason.  Spring break is only a month away, but I need a break before then!  I'm thinking there won't be any snow days this winter though!

9. I haven't been to see a movie in theatre since I was pregnant.  How sad is that?  Part of it is of course, Kason, but the other part is that I just don't love spending $20 to see a movie.  I really do want to see the Vow, so I might try to get to the theatre to see it.  I also never saw The Help or Water for Elephants..I need to get those on redbox.  Only problem?  I fall asleep watching movies at home.  Every. Time.

10. It's official, I'm drinking coke again.  I haven't had it in about 3 years (ever since I had a kidney stone) and I've fallen off the wagon.  I've been so tired recently, that I swing by McDonalds on my way to school.  I'm so much more awake and happy if I get a little caffeine in my system.  I know it's not healthy, but without it, I might lose my job.  Teaching requires a lot of patience which for me, means caffeine! :)

11. I WILL blog about the super bowl, playdates, and Christmas eventually.  They are all posts in the making, I just don't have time to finish them.  Someday.  

That's all I got tonight.  Pretty boring huh?  I'm going to head to bed at 9:45 on a Saturday night.  When did I become so old???

27

Today I want to wish my husband a happy 27th birthday.  Words can't express how thankful I am to have him in my life.  He is a patient and caring husband and father.  This past year has been full of new and exciting experiences and I'm glad he's been by my side through it all.

I'm feeling quite miserable today, so I was happy when Duane came home and said he'd settle for Chili's for dinner because he knew how crummy I was feeling.  I told you, best husband!

Happy birthday Duane!  Kason and love you very much! :)

The right decision?

I'm linking up with Kelly's Korner's SUYL Fridays.  Todays topic is working moms.  This ones right up my alley! :)

It's no secret that I question daily whether deciding to go back to work after Kason was the right decision.  Some days I still cry when I leave my baby sound asleep in his crib and know that I won't see him for 8 hours.  It's hard.  And it's not getting easier.  I'm not sure it ever will so I will continue to teach this year and then rethink my decision next year.  There are a few things that have made teaching hard this year:

1. Guilt - The guilt I feel from working full time is unbelievable.  I look at moms that stay home and am so envious of them.  I'm jealous of the extra time they get to spend with their children.  However, the real guilt comes when I think about doing things without Kason outside of school.  Date nights are hard because I feel so guilty leaving Kason after being away from him all day.  We would also like to join a small group at church but that would be another 2 hours I'd be away from Kason every week.  I don't know if this guilt is normal, but it's so hard to handle.  I know that date nights and small groups are SO important for my marriage but can't seem to make them a priority when I am constantly away from my baby.

2. Exhaustion - Whew!  I thought I was tired when I was 8 months pregnant and teaching last year!  Wrong!  That exhaustion holds nothing to the exhaustion that I've felt lately.  Getting up at 5 am and leaving the house at 6 is hard work.  Add in a 45 minute drive, teaching/parenting 25 6th graders for 8 hours, and a 45 minute drive home and I'm ready for bed the second I walk in the door.  I've lost my patience and my energy for the day.  I love my son and am always so excited to get home to see him but feel like I never have enough energy to give him the mom he needs.  I teach at an inner city school.  I'm not going to say that my students' parents don't care, they are just really busy.  Therefore I spend a large chunk of my day parenting 25 pre-teens and therefore I have no energy to parent my own child when I get home. This is probably the hardest thing about teaching and being a mom.  Yeah, the schedule is awesome, but the amount of energy I use up everyday is crazy.

I am by no means trying to throw a pity party for myself.  There are SO many people that are desperate to find a job.  I have a great job and am lucky to teach where I do.  I love and care for my students very much and do enjoy my time with them (most days).  I guess I am just having a hard time finding a balance.  I feel like If I give more of myself at school, I'm a bad mom.  If I give more of myself at home, I'm a bad teacher.

 The silver-lining in all of this is that I have an amazing husband that is so helpful and sensitive to the fact that I'm having a hard time being a working mom.  Without him, I would be a real mess!  I'm hoping that these feelings are normal and will get better with time.  In the meantime, I will just keep praying for God's direction for what I should do next year.

Thanks for listening.  I'd love to hear your thoughts and advice! :)

10 Months!

We'll just pretend like Kason didn't turn 10 months 2.5 weeks ago.  I have been dreading trying to get his picture.  It's quite the impossible task.  So I put if off and then realized that he is now closer to 11 months than 10 months.  Oh well, we'll just pretend like he turned 10 months yesterday! :)

Not sure of his stats but I know he weighed 17 lb. 10 oz. at the doctor last week.  He's still in size 3 diapers and wearing mostly 6-9 months clothes, some still 3-6 month.  Still my little guy, but that's ok with me! 

Here's what Kason is up to at 10-ish months:

...Walking!  Yep, we have a full time walker on our hands!  He's been walking pretty much full time for the past couple of weeks.  He just learned how to stand up in the middle of the floor (without holding on to anything) so he is on the move!  This little boy is getting quick!  I can't turn my back for a minute without him walking to the other side of the house.

...Talking!  We don't understand much, but he babbles all the time!  He does say da-da ove and over again, but we don't think he associates it with Duane.  He does say "Aia" for Kaia, and does associate the two.  No mama yet.  Every time I say Ma-ma-ma-ma, he follows with da-da-da-da!  I guess I'll keep working!

...Eating!  We have introduced a few finger foods and he LOVES them!  He actually prefers them over baby food.  With how busy our schedule has been, I haven't been able to keep up with making all of his food.  He's not a fan of much store bought baby food, but loves finger foods.  He's still taking 3 formula bottles a day.  He doesn't do so well with a sippy cup, so we'll continue to work on that!

...Being stubborn!  Shoo, this boy is just like his mama!  If I take something away from him, it's on.  A full on throw-yourself-on-the-ground scream session follows.  I was under the impression temper tantrums started when these little guys (or girls) were two.  Wrong!  Along with getting things taken away, Kason has decided to protest the changing table all together.  The second I lay him on it he arches his back, clenches his fists, and screams.  It is quite the aerobic workout!  Usually if I give him a book or sing to him, he calms down.  I think the toddler ears will be very interesting.  I know my mom is thinking.."sweet payback!"

We just love this little boy to pieces.  I can't believe that he will be 1 in a little over a month.  I have a feeling March is going to be a very emotional month!



{Please excuse the wrinkled backdrop, it is IMPOSSIBLE to get this kids' picture...it was quite the production!}