decisions {part 2}

Tomorrow will be my last day of teaching for a while.  As I walked into my principal's office today with tears in my eyes, I handed him my official letter of resignation.  This decision has not been an easy one.  I have been going back and forth for months.  There have been many nights where I have been up until the wee hours of the morning because my heart is so torn.  I don't say this to throw myself a pitty party, but for you as my readers to know that this is not a decision I have taken lightly.  I made numerous pros and cons list, talked to those closet to me, and prayed more than I have probably ever prayed in my life.  Through all of these things, God led me in one direction.  He led me to feel confident in my decision to leave a job I love and stay home full time with my son.  He led me to understand that my mission work with kids in a public education setting is done for now.  I have a big God, that always leads me in the right direction.  I have tears in my eyes as I type this, because seeing it actually written is so bitter sweet.

As I studied my pros and cons list, I was able to see that each of my biggest concerns were ones that I knew would be taken care of.  Number one on my list was the saddness I felt about leaving kids that I KNOW need me.  As I thought about that I realized that there are so many organizations that I could be a part of that allow me to still do what I love.  I have promised myself that I will find an organization to volunteer my time to a couple times a month so I don't lose my connection with kids.  I also reminded myself that I am 25.  If I stay home until Kason is 10, I'll be 35.  I would still have lots of teaching years left in me! :)

  Probably the next biggest concern was a financial one.  We will now only be receiving one steady income.  This is still scary to me and I often get lost in the "what ifs".  Thankfully, I have a husband that has helped suppress this fear.  He has created a detailed budget that we will follow.  He has looked in every area of our lives and found ways to cut expenses.  Will things be tight for a while?  Absolutely.  We might not be able to go on a family vacation every summer.  We may not be able to move to a bigger house for a while.  And that is ok.  When I'm whinning about not having any new clothes, I will remind myself that this is a decision that I made.  In the end, I think this decision will make us become much more aware of how we are spending our money.  Having never really lived on a budget before, it will be good to actually pay attention to where our money is going.  I am so grateful I have a husband that has done everything he can to make sure that we are financially prepared for the future.  I thank him and Dave Ramsey...ha! :)

In the end the pros way out weighed the cons.  I will get to be home with my baby day in and day out.  I will no longer feel stressed about trying to balance a full time job and being a wife and mama.  Don't get me wrong, I know being a stay at home mom will be a lot of work.  Maybe even more work than teaching, but knowing that is my full time job is such a weight lifted. Lastly, I will have time to focus on my growing photography business and although I don't want to do it full time, it's something I love that will allow me still use my creative mind.  I'd say the pros win.

I will miss teaching for many reasons.  I will miss the kids.  There are days that their attitudes and anger are almost too much to handle.  There are days when they drive me absolutely crazy.  But for some reason, I love them more than I can express.  I will miss seeing them everyday and watching them grow throughout the year.  Along with the students, I will miss the teachers and other staff members that I work with.  Teachers (especially the ones that teach in an urban setting) don't get the respect they deserve.  I am so honored to work with people that genuinely love kids that most people would find hard to love.  I have had many laughs and tears with my co-workers, and will miss them tremendously.  

  Please know my heart when I say that this is the best decision for me.  It is not a decision that everyone feels obligated to make.  I can't tell you how many times over tha past year that I have heard someone say something or post something on Facebook that makes me feel like an awful mom for choosing to work.  I have cried one too many times because of those hurtful comments.  As moms we are meant to build each other up and often we just tear each other down.  There are many reasons that moms choose to work.  Some do it for financial/health insurance reasons and I admire them for providing for their families.  Others choose to work because they want to.  I admire those moms for finding a balance between work and home.  I am so thankful that I chose to work this year.  I wouldn't go back and change my decision at all.  If I hadn't worked, I wouldn't have ever known if I could balance it all.  I wouldn't have had the respect I do for working moms.  If you are a working mom, count on me to be your biggest cheerleader!

So that is my decision.  Thank you for following me along on this journey. :)

{My kids hands..since I don't want to post their faces online.  The biggest reason I chose to teach in the township I did was the diversity.  I love it!}