selfish

I don't even know how to put this, but it's something I've been struggling with, so I wanted to share my heart.

I've been struggling lately with materialism.  Now that I think about it, I've been struggling with it my whole life.  I think that God has just recently been making my mind more aware of it.  Why he's brought it to my attention lately, I'm not sure, but I know he has a reason.

I don't know how many times a day I say I want something new.  Something better.  When I take a step back, I realize how selfish I must sound.

"I want a new camera."

"I want a new iPhone."

"I want a bigger house."

"I want a new wardrobe."

"I want to buy Kason new clothes."

These are things that come out of my mouth almost on a daily basis.  For some unknown reason, God has been tugging at my heart lately when it comes to materialism.  It's almost like I can hear him reminding me to be thankful for what I have.  Do I really need a new camera?  The one I have is great, takes beautiful pictures, and always pleases my clients.  Do I really need a more expensive camera right now?  And do I really need a new phone?  Absolutely not.  Our house is small, but we have a house.  Yes, someday we will want something bigger, but why am I not just grateful for a place to live?  As for the new wardrobe, I'm fairly certain that both Kason and I have enough clothes to clothe a small country.  But I still complain.

God always brings me back to something when I get into my "I want" set of mind.  He reminds me that there are people in this world that can't eat.  There are people that don't have a place to live.  There are babies without mamas.  There are people being killed for now reason.  And I choose to complain about my camera?  Seriously?  

I don't know why God has been tugging at my heart lately, but I'm praying he shows me the meaning of it.  I have always had a heart for helping the poor, but I'm starting to think maybe God wants me to take it a step further.  Maybe he wants me to start putting my "I want" money into an "I want to adopt" fund.  Maybe he wants me to go and help people that need to be shown Jesus' love.  I'm not sure and  as scary as that is, I hope that God shows me what he wants me to do.  

I know materialism is a huge problem in our culture.  I'm thankful for a God that brings me back to reality, and reminds me that I am blessed beyond measure.