Last night before bed, Duane and I were watching the news coverage on the Boston Marathon attack. Tom Brokow said something that stuck with us, and made me think. He said that when he heard about the attacks, all he could think about was his grandchildren. He hated how they would never know what it is like to go to a large event such as the marathon and feel safe. That was like a punch to the gut. I looked at Kason on the monitor after I heard that and got very emotional. My sweet, sweet innocent boy. He knows no bad in the world. He doesn't know that there are people that set off bombs at large events. He doesn't know there are people that go into first grade classrooms and kill innocent children. He doesn't know that people go into a movie theatre and sometimes don't come out alive. He is innocent. And I hate that one day, unfortunately sooner than later, he will know the evil of this world. That innocence will be no more, and my sweet boy will know the pain of this dark world. It almost makes me ill to think about. I want to keep him sheltered from this darkness in our world. I want to keep this precious baby girl tucked inside of my belly, free from the evils our world is capable of. I don't want her, or Kason to know such evil. I don't want them to live in fear.
As I sit here and tears flow from my eyes, and I think about what a dark world we live in, I realize again what my calling is. God has called me to be a light in this dark place. He has called ME to be kind, and love others. To try to look for the good in all of the evil. Because let me tell you something, in a world full of evil, there is a lot of good. I need to show people that good light, the light that is Jesus. He is my hope, and my comfort when things like this happen. He cries when we cry. He understands our pain, and is also heartbroken for our fallen world.
I am called to be a light in a dark place.
If there is one thing I can teach Kason and his baby sister, it is to be a light. I don't know in what ways they will let their light shine, but I pray that I teach them the importance of that little light they will sing about in Sunday school. Maybe it will be to be a light in their dark school. Maybe it will be to help a friend that is living a dark life that needs a light. That needs Jesus desperately. I'm not sure how they will use their light, but I know I will do everything in my power to teach them about God's love and how it shines a light in our lives. I hope that they learn to take their light with them, and to be hope in a dark, hopeless world.
On these dark days, I am thankful for the hope that God promises me. I'm thankful that he promises hope for my babies, that will be growing up in a starkly different world than I grew up in.
- When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have thelight of life.” John 8:12