I've heard the saying patience is a virtue a thousand times. Why you ask..well it's because it is a virtue I do not possess. I am about the least patient person on the face of the planet. Okay, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the point.
I've struggled with the concept of patience for my entire 24 years of existence. I guess I don't remember the first 3 or 4 years..but I have this feeling that I was not patient. There have been multiple times that God has tried to teach me patience.
When I decided to go to school to become a teacher, I thought God was teaching me patience. He was..but I wasn't ready to learn.
When I got my first teaching job mid-year, I was for sure God was teaching me patience. He was..but I wasn't being a good student.
When I got my second teaching school in an urban school system teaching sixth grade I figured God was once again attempting to settle me down and make me more patient. He was..and I was trying my best to learn this tough concept.
When I became a mom I became certain that God is teaching me patience. He is actually forcing me to learn. Serves me right, for ignoring all of the other lessons. You see God didn't give up on me. He gave me lots of lessons that allowed me to slowly let grip of my up-tight, always stressed self and become patient. Little did I know through all of this lessons he was preparing me for a time that I would need a lot of patience.
I love Kason with all of my heart. I am loving being his mom and wouldn't trade it for anything. However, being a mom can be frustrating and absolutely exhausting. I'm brave enough to admit this at the risk of sounding like a horrible mom. If you don't think it's challenging, then I guess you are super mom and I would like your number! :)
Here are some things I've learned about patience over the past 2 months:
Patience is...
...learning to keep your cool even when your baby is screaming at the top of his lungs and has been for 40 minutes. It took me a while but I finally don't burst into tears every time this happens. Don't get me wrong, occasionally Kason and I both have a good cry together, but it has gotten much better!
...not giving up on breastfeeding even though it is demanding, tiring, and down right frustrating. I don't think breastfeeding has been the "walk in the park" experience I was hoping for. I can't eat dairy without having a fussy baby and a lot of the time Kason screams through feedings. But I try to be patient and we slowly work our way through it. It's the healthiest thing for my little guy..so I will push forward and continue to learn to be patient.
...not getting mad at my husband over little things because I am exhausted. Duane helps me so much but often I lose my cool with him simply because I am just flat out tired. I've been trying to become more patience even through the exhaustion. After all, he's exhausted too! :)
...accepting the fact that a lot of the time Kason just wants his mama. Even if I've been the one holding and loving on him all day, he still may only want me at night. And guess what, that is ok! In about 12 years I'm sure he'll be embarrassed by me so I'll enjoy this time!
...living in the now and not always hoping for the future. I find myself constantly thinking: I can't wait until Kason sleeps over 8 hours at night. I can't wait until he is past the colic phase and stops screaming every night. I can't wait until he doesn't need to eat every 2 hours so I feel more like a human and less like a cow (ha!). However, I know that when he is 2 I am going to look back and ache for him to be a baby again. I'm trying to be patient and enjoy the stage he is at right now.
Yes, I have learned a lot about patience over the past 2 months. I know I will learn a lot more about it in the next 18 years. For now though, I think I will use these patience lessons to prepare me for the long (and wonderful) road ahead! :)
After all...this little guy is the best patience teacher I could have asked for! :)
{That's right..lock up your daughters because this kid is pretty stinkin' cute and bound to be a heartbreaker someday!}
{Ready for the beach in a few weeks! :)}
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