Holding on

There are many things that have been happening lately that have made me realize that my baby is getting older.  I so much wish I could freeze time, because it is moving way too quickly.  It's hard to let go of things that remind me of my sweet newborn.  It was hard to put away his newborn clothes, it was hard to take the swing down to the basement, and it was hard lower his crib mattress.  All of these things I put off because they were a constant reminder that my newborn wasn't a newborn any longer.  He is getting older. It's happening quickly and I'm trying to savor every moment.

Although there have been lots of reminders of my growing baby, nothing served as a greater reminder than deciding that it was time to stop nursing Kason.  As much as I (and Kason) have struggled with this whole breastfeeding process, I'm honestly going to miss it so much.  It was such a bonding experience and I'm so glad that I was able to spend those 8 months providing nutrients for my sweet little boy.  As much as I wanted to hold on to this time...there were several signs that it was time to stop.

When I went back to work my milk supply quickly dropped.  I went from getting 10 oz. in about 20 minutes to getting about 4 ounces in 20 minutes.  I was having to leave my class for 20 minutes and on top of that I was giving up 20 minutes of prep. time to pump again.  All for a measly 4 or 5 ounces.  I tried taking vitamin supplements and they helped somewhat, but still, my supply was diminishing.  I began to weigh my options.  Do I keep pumping and try to keep up with my baby's growing appetite.  Or do I just give in and switch to formula.  It was a tough decision!

When Kason was born, I had a goal to nurse him until he was a year.  This goal has been hard to let go of.  I'm only 4 months away, but it's just time.  Luckily, Kason has been showing little interest in nursing for the past couple of weeks.  I can just tell, he is ready to be done as well.  I feel like if I were to keep nursing him, it would be more for myself than him. I'm so grateful for this sign from him.  Although It's been a hard decision, I know ultimately it is the right one.

I remember when Kason was about two months old.  We were at full battle with reflux and he was screaming every time I nursed him.  I can remember sitting on the couch and crying as Kason cried.  On multiple occasions I would say "I will NEVER breastfeed my next baby!" or "Duane, please go buy some formula..I cannot do this."  I am SO glad I stuck with it.  It has been such a rewarding journey that I wouldn't trade for anything.  I know without a doubt that I will nurse my next baby (not that I need to think about that for a long while..ha!).

So, today marks the weaning process.  I am currently nursing him in the morning and at night and the other two feedings are formula.  So far he is doing great!  I think the night feeding will be hard for both of us to let go of, but I know we can do it!  Our goal is to have him completely weaned in about 3 weeks.  Since I've had mastitis multiple times, I'm going to take my time and let the rest of my milk slowly go away.

Goodbye breastfeeding...I will miss that time with my baby!